Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
