It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
