and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
