Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
