I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
