This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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