i would punch a child for taco bell
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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