i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
