im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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