alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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