You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
