Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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