Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
