I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
