First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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