he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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