Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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