If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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