but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
