trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I pour the whiskey from now on
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