Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
