Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
