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school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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