problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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