Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If its not for food we ain't going out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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