Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
