I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
