I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
