we're blogging at a bar
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
