she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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