This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Your cock deserves a montage
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
