she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
