i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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