one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
