a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
