THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that