gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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