yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.