8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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