I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK