this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.