I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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