I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
