what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
