Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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