i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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