this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
