Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
