Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
