My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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