I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
