Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
