Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
