you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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