literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
