You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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