Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
