I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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