it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
