Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
