i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
