hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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