how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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