my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
