Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
