So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
