WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
