My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
