So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
