Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
