I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The adults are the big ones right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
